"I Would Not Be The Woman I Am Today If It Weren’t For My Mum" - Jamie O'Herlihy's Mother’s Day Letter

Transgender woman Jamie O’Herlihy shares the incredibly empowering story of her transition and the support, guidance & belief she received from her mum throughout her journey.

Coming out as transgender can be difficult for a lot of people and at times it was for me, but when I look back at my coming out — one thing rings true: I couldn’t have done it without the unconditional love and full support of my Mum. Her name is Sarah, she is a best friend and mum rolled into one. She has served the role of both parents. She is everything I need and without her, I would be lost. 

As we grow up, we want not only to be loved but to be loved unconditionally, to be cared for no matter what life throws at us and to be protected even though we are learning to protect ourselves. The world can be cruel, and it can be isolating despite sharing the planet with 8 billion others. Personally, when times are tough (or when the trolls online are getting to me) I always turn to my mum. She knows how to help me deal with it and move past the negativity.

“All any child wants is a parent to love them, care for them and protect them. That’s the basics.”

Photo: Mum Sarah & Daughter Jamie O’Herlihy

I came out as transgender in 2015 and I was so frightened at first but when I was assured that I would always have my mum’s love and support I faced the world head-on. I made a video for my followers and distant family. It was called “I am Transgender”. The video gained a lot of attention and, soon after it was published, my story was worldwide. Not just because I was trans but because my sister Chloe was also transgender too.

My mum is a superwoman for how she dealt with the fact that her two “sons” would now be her daughters. She just let us know that we were her children and if we were happy, healthy and not hurting anyone she was happy.

She helped us through our deed poll process (the process of changing one’s name) and she guided us through getting our gender recognition certificates. She also drove us to our first appointment for the gender identity clinic and waited patiently with us. She did all the interviews that were set up for us even though she was nervous. She even went to Trans Pride in Brighton in 2018!

Not only was my mum there for these important moments, she was there from the beginning. When we were kids and wanted to play with dolls and other “girl’s toys”, or dance around with dresses on, calling ourselves Britney and Chloe. My mother was there.

She knew we needed to explore our femininity and do what our friends were doing. There was no judgement or laughing at us. Looking back, it brings tears to my eyes thinking of what a kind and beautiful soul she was then and still is now. Dressing up and playing with Barbies wasn’t something every parent could just accept for their child who was assigned male at birth. But because mum was so accepting it led us to be free in ourselves and explore that side of ourselves. (Not that I think Barbies or dresses should be gender specific. Clothes are clothes and toys are toys.)

“Transitioning is extremely tough, physically and mentally it can be draining and isolating. “

Even when you have people around you supporting you, it is still a very personal journey that only you can really understand. Having said that, just having someone there to listen to you and help you through your emotions is very helpful. My mum did that for me. Over the last 5 years she has been through the ups and downs with us and I won’t sugar coat it, there were difficult times too, but her love and support were unwavering. 

We lost our grandad in 2017. He was the patriarch of our family. He was a father figure to me and Chloe. He was the love and joy of the family and my mum’s best friend. So it was very hard on all of us when he passed away. Our family fell apart.

Sometimes it felt like our other family members resented us for sharing our story so publicly. There was a view that my granny had enough to deal with without turning on her TV or opening the newspaper to see us expressing our true selves to the world. To this day some family members still misgender me and that hurts. (Misgendering someone is calling them he instead of she or vice versa. It Is very upsetting to most trans individuals).

I don’t tolerate misgendering anymore. I use my voice to speak up which can sometimes cause friction. But I can’t be anyone else except for me, especially given what I have been through just to be myself.

The stressful nature of speaking out as a trans woman can sometimes be hard on my mum. But she is still constantly on my side. It makes me feel like wherever I go and whatever I do she will be there in my corner. Because of her, this journey feels less lonely.  

To all the mothers out there who may be reading this, ask yourself what would you do if your child came out as LGBTQI+? Would you love them unconditionally? Care for them no matter what life throws their way? Would you protect them? Would you be like Sarah?

Although it feels like life can still be a struggle, I would NOT be the woman I am today if it weren’t for my mum and the love and support she has given me and Chloe from day one. 

And with that I say, thank you, mum. I love you to infinity and beyond.

Jamie x