"He Was So Much More Than How He Died" - Julie's Letter To Her Teenage Son Daniel
Editors Note: This post contains references to suicide. If you are in distress text HELP to 51444
Julie Grainger has been a supporter of the ShareJoy community and mission right from the beginning. To mark Men’s Health Month Julie has written a letter for her son Daniel who took his own life in January 2021. She hopes it will in some way reduce the shame and stigma that she says still go hand in hand with suicide.
My son Daniel will forever be a child. A boy. Forever sixteen.
Daniel was a beautiful person inside and out. As a child, he was quiet and shy. When he was about 10 years old in third class he really came into his own. He'd just moved schools and was making so many friends and doing sports. He would practice his dropkicks in the garden over our balcony. He thrived and grew in confidence.
Daniel had such a good heart and was just so thoughtful. He would always look for ways to make you feel better. He wrote a poem to his sister when she was in a car crash. He gave chocolates to a friend's mum when she hurt her arm. There are so many other times when he showed true kindness.
Daniel’s suicide completely blindsided us as a family. We did not see any signs. He had been training in our home gym (which is nothing fancy, just a bench press and weights) on Thursday night and we had planned to get some new weights on Saturday.
“I can’t believe as his mum I didn’t see the immense pain he was in.”
Friday started like any other day during COVID/lockdown/home-schooling. I woke Daniel up and made him breakfast. After breakfast, before he started his Zoom classes, I measured Daniel. I’ve always measured my son's heights. Daniel was just under six feet tall. He was delighted and smiled that magical smile when I told him.
Thinking back on that morning: I was only inches away from Daniel with the pencil resting on his head (as I measured his height) and I didn’t see it.
I can’t believe as his mum I didn’t see the immense pain he was in. I don’t believe suicide is a selfish act. I believe Daniel was in so much emotional pain that he believed suicide was the only way to end this pain.
Daniel is so much more than how he died. He mattered. He was here. He will always be here in my heart and all the hearts he touched along the way during his short life.
“Stuck together like glue me and you” forever my darling Daniel.
If you’ve been affected by the issues raised in this article know that help is available. Pieta provides free 24-hour support to people in suicidal distress and those who engage in self-harm. You can reach Pieta by:
Freephone 1800 247 247 to speak to a therapist if you are in a crisis
Call 0818 111 126 to make an appointment with a therapist
Text HELP to 51444